THE UNTOLD STORY OF ISAAC OCHEGBUDU : REVEALING THE LONG KEPT NASTY SECRET ABOUT ME (My abuse story)
Written byIsaac Ochegbudu Akpachi
For fifteen(15) years I’ve kept this nasty experience away from the public domain. There are only very few friends and only two family members that I’ve told. Even as I’m penning this down, my parents have never known that I was abused and molested for four (4)years and it happened under their roof for three (3) years.
I have kept this away from the public cos of the fear of mockery and stigmatization( it had done more harm to some people, than the actual problem that broke them). But I was prompted to make it public today. Although I have for a long time been planing to make it public but I couldn’t summon the courage to do so but recently I’ve been listening to and reading news on the lamentations of abused and molested persons. Many are broken,sad, unattended to, emotionally shattered, angry, depressed, hopeless etc cos of their terrible past. My heart was filled with pain and sadness after reading through two post from victims of abuse and molestation yesterday night L, hence my decision and encouragement to do this.
NOW TO THE STORY :
From childhood I was a very good student (I’m saying this with total sense of humility). The only challenge I have is with mathematics or anything that has to do with calculation ( my good friend and brother Odanwu Chibuzor and my uncle Ngbede Abel can testify about that). Aside that, there is hardly anything you will teach me that I will not comprehend and do well.
I was first in a private school, but due to economic constraints, my parents had to take us all to public school. After my primary three, I was moved to a public school to begin primary four. As was there, I outshined all my mates. On one faithful day, the PTA chairman visited the school and was moving round the classes, when he came to my he assessed the students, while in my class, assessed us and asked for my name after which he went straight to the headmasters office to tell him that I’m not supposed to be in that class and I should be immediately promoted to primary six. My parents where immediately summoned and told the plan of the school. Although My dad rejected the idea but was leter convinced and he consented. I was immediately promoted to primary six. After my primary school, I immediately got admission into Dr. Ahmed Moh’d Makarfi Government secondary school popularly known as “community” at Hayin Banki, kayo kaduna. I was very young and naive then I got into secondary school. I was just ten (10) years old.
On getting to secondary school, not too long after I began, Corpers were posted to my school. I had a very good rapport with a some of them. But there was this particular one whom I was most close to. He picked interest in me and within a short time we had established a good rapport. We even walk home together after closing hours and path ways at small London junction. I will always tell my parents about him. Now, my parents especially my mom is very welcoming and hospitable, inspite her economic condition, hospitality has always been her hobby. My parent are truly welcoming.
On one faithful day, this Coper asked that he will like to visit my house, I was happy and brought the news home. My parents immediately approved of his visit. I told him and he did. He visited together with one of his colleague. From the moment they stepped into our house, my parents accepted them and took them as theirs. In fact he became a family friend. My parents were happy and gave him the best of treatment the could throughout his service year. My mom was happy that I’ve gotten a guardian especially because of my deficiency in mathematics of which he is good at. He promised to take good care of me and also to teach me maths. My parents trusted and respected him and made him feel at home.
Because of the trust my parent had for him, I and my younger brothers where allowed to visit him and even pass nights at his place and he also did same at our place. Even after his service year, he continued visiting my house for three years.Now, I was not the only kid whom this guy has captured their parents mind. Some of my class mates and even some families living around his lodge. He was respected and trusted by our parents that all of them allowed us to be visiting him and pass the night many times. He organized lesson classes for us, no parent would have denied his child such an opportunity to be with someone who want to help them develop academically.
OUR PARENTS NEVER KNEW HE WAS AN ABUSER AND A MOLESTER. HE WAS A HOMOSEXUAL
THE UNTOLD STORY OF ISAAC OCHEGBUDU : REVEALING THE LONG KEPT NASTY SECRET ABOUT ME (My abuse story)
By Isaac Ochegbudu
OUR PARENTS NEVER KNEW HE WAS AN ABUSER AND A MOLESTER. HE WAS A HOMOSEXUAL!
On one faithful day while we were sleeping at his place, in the middle of the night, he began to romance my genital. Out of shock I woke up and ran away from the bed immediately. I was shocked and terrified. I didn’t come back to the bed but slept under the bed through out the night. I was shocked, terrified and was pondering on what happened and I dare not tell anyone because of fear. The next morning, he didn’t say anything until others and his colleague were not close by. He called me and began to talk to me……. Oh! I was so young and naive and he used that advantage.
While I was still thinking on what had happened, he called me ( after everyone has left) And asked me why I ran away from him at night….. I didn’t answer him.He then started talking to me, convincing me and gave me reasons to continue in that abomination (God!) He told me I need not to worry about women if I continued in this. He talked to me calmly, took advantage of my ignorance and naivety as a child and convinced me. I don’t know how he did it.From that moment I became his sex doll.He did unspeakable things to me. It was a terrible experience!
Daily, even though I was young, I know it wasn’t right. I was dying of guilt inside and getting shattered. You all know the kind of parents we have in Africa na and the way we were brought up and the parent children relationship.So I dare not tell my parents. The worst is, because of the level of trust my parent had for him and the way they liked him… How will they believe me? I even don’t have the courage to tell them.
The most irritating part is, because of the respect and trust my parents had for him, he sleeps over at our place. Even after his service year, you use to visit us continuously for three years and all this while, the molestation and abuse continued under my parent’s roof and they never had an idea about it up till this moment.This is the most, terrible and traumatic story of my life and experience I’m telling you.
Day in day out, I’m broken and traumatized, especially as I grow up and begin to come face to face with reality. I had no one to tell, who will even believe me? It was later after some years that I discovered he was also doing same to other kids too.
I was so much filled with guilt, so much traumatized And I couldn’t find anyone one to tell. Being filled with guilt and so much traumatized, I was seeking solution for myself which I never got.But as God may have it, through his mercy, on one faithful Sunday(i will never forget that day). The late Elder Joshua Adejoh, was the one preaching in church. And he was seriously talking on homosexuality and how terrible an abomination it is. I was pierced down to the heart. After listening to that message, filled with guilt and trauma, I decided never to allow him touch me again.
There is one thing I’m grateful to God for, I’m bold and can confront anyone, I’m also hard to twist too….. Especially if I know I had taken the right decision . So I stood my ground that I will never allow him touch me again.
One faithful day he came around and to pass the night… I had decided never to let him again. I was already in SS1 then. He touched me through out the night….. He did everything possible but I did not respond. So surprised, in the morning he asked me, what happened that he was touching me through out the night and I didn’t respond ? I refused to give him an answer.
Not wanting the matter to go public because: 1. They may not believe me 2. I was so ashamed of myself I wrote a letter telling him of his evil act and that I’ve asked God for forgiveness. He too should do same or confess to his “Fada ” because he was a Catholic, because I was too young then to know it’s only God he is to confess to.I gave the letter to my immediate younger brother to give him and I left home immediately. That was the last day I and any member of my family ever saw him since 2010.My parent are still surprised how he just disappeared without notice and my mom usually ask me up till today if I’ve ever heard of him, even online.
I hated him with passion for what he had done to me, I also hated and was so much antagonistic towards any man who slightly behave like a woman.Even though I never saw him after I had given him the letter, I was emotionally, psychologically and socially shattered.I was never the same for a long time.But today I am eternally grateful to God for helping me become normal through the power of the Holy Spirit and his words that healed me. I’m now sexually, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually balanced.(please, sexually balanced in any way does not imply that I am a fornicator or a sex pevert) And I thank God greatly for that.
I’m no more a victim but a VICTOR!
I wrote an article titled : LET IT GO (a writ from experience) about a month ago ……… That article was a product of my thought on my abuse experience.I will urge all abuse persons to try and read that article.
NOTES PARENTS :
please and please be more vigilant and careful….. There are terrible things going on under your roofs. Be careful who you trust your kids with, even family members are abusing children.
~ don’t think your children are too small and know nothing. Things are not as before…. Be attentive to your children….. Make them your friends…… Give them the confidence to be free with you and trust you with anything at all..~ never take a child’s complain fit granted. No matter what the child’s or who the child complains about.
VICTIMS OF ABUSE :
~ it is sad, painful, traumatic, nasty to have been abused. But I want to tell you the absolute truth, what you truly need is to be healed of that wound not revenge.Yes the solution sound awkward but I tell you that’s what you need. And for you to heal that wound, you MUST forgive your abuser, even if the person never apologize.The more you have your abuser, the more you get wounded emotional, socially, psychologically and socially.
~ Never think there is no hope for you. I am a testimony, I am healed and I started first from forgiving my abuser.The abuse affected every aspect of me but today I’m balanced.I’m now sexually balanced in all ramifications.You to can be! You may have become an abuser too, you may have become an homosexual too, you may have become anything the abuse have made you to be…… Deep down inside you, you are still hurt and bitter…….. There is hope for you! More importantly God is willing and ready to help you if you will allow him.
TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC :.~ never you mock or stigmatize a victim of abuse……… You never and will never know what it feels like to be in that state.
~ some people are rapist, gay’s, lesbians, womanizers, sex addict, depressed, broken, hostile, etc because of their terrible past. Try to know the cause of the problem. Be careful with your words, try to help them please.They are not really happy with what they doing, they need your help! ~ never you break the trust of an abused person by using his/her secret against him/her or telling it out.
~ please try and watch the movie ALTER EGO and FIRST OCTOBER to get a glimpse of what abuse can do.