Day I Wrote My Death Wish
By Sam Otti
Death came like a dreaded plague and filled my heart with dreadful thoughts. I became a dead man walking. My trouble started during my second year in the higher institution. Debilitating sickness gnawed on me and left me with panic attacks. I lived on drugs which appeared ineffectual. I grew worse by the day. I still recall the day a procaine injection administered by a nurse went into my wrong vein and I heard the songs of the dead. That happened many years ago.
I gave myself no hope of survival. I was dying daily. At solitary moments, I sensed the ugly face of death around me. My aunt, Monica Nnenzuko Otti, a woman of prayer, came down from the mountaintop and summoned my family to pray me out of harm’s way. I was fast sliding the slippery path to the place of skull. It was a scary Golgotha experience for me.
It looked as if hell bared its fang at me. In my helpless state, I could hear the footsteps of death, as he furiously battled to steal my fleeting breath.
Every night, I tossed in bed in endless agony. The spirit of incubus descended on me with all its fury to tear my shrivelled body apart.
In fact, everyday seemed to me like a borrowed time. It was in this predicament that I wrote my death wish. I lost the joy of living and waited for death to come. When all hopes were lost, Christ came.
I remember the ceaseless prayers of the saints, begging God to spare my life. I remember the all night intercessory prayers of Nne Nzuko Monica Otti, who knelt at my sick bed in fervent prayers. She unhesitatingly knocked on the gate of heaven without ceasing. Heaven heard her supplication. She told me much later that I had been named Ekenedilichukwu by the Angels.
I decided to recall this personal experience as a refresher for the new year. Although I wrote my death wish many years ago, God graciously crowned me with life. The same hand I used to write my death wish is the same hand I have used to type this testimony. I am a witness that God answers prayers.
When some people fly the rumour that Christianity was a scam, I stand today as a living witness that God is able to deliver those who trust in him. His promise of Psalm 91 was fulfilled in my life. God said, “He will call upon me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation (Psalm 91: 15-16).
The book of Isaiah 61 is full of God’s promises. Hold into those promises, meditate on them day and night. They are promises that will never fail.
I had the urge to share this message for this new year. At several times, the children of God are buffeted by the challenges of life. It could be sickness, financial meltdown , career stagnation, marriage failure, evil manipulation and attacks. We face the challenge of untimely death, barrenness, miscarriage, unemployment, delayed marriage and many others. No matter the storm we face, we have our redeemer by our side. He will calm the roaring storm and give us peace in turmoil.
Let me assure you that God, who delivered me when I had given myself no chance of survival, will surely save you.
The year 2024 left many of us poor and decimated. In a country so richly blessed, it is heartbreaking to see many citizens hungry and dejected. No matter the trouble on our way, we must never lose faith.
I have seen the frustration of many friends who had laid their Bible aside in their frantic search for solutions. Many young people no longer find Christian religion attractive. They label God as a slow responder, who lives in heaven and ignores the suffering on earth. No matter how long it takes, God is never late. He will answer you at the appointed time. Blessed are those who do not lose faith in his promises.
It is possible you find yourself struggling down the valley despite years of hard labour. I have good news for you. For 10 years after my graduation, I found myself in a school of affliction. I ate bread of sorrow, floated on meagre salaries from black collar jobs. To the glory of God, I joined The Sun Publishing Ltd and resigned voluntarily after seven years in the newsroom. The opportunity to work in a federal institution came on a platter. All thanks to destiny helpers that God placed on my path.
I may not know what you are going through at the moment. The good news is that there is a thread of hope to hang on. From the dust, you shall arise. Whatever cross you bear, always remember that God hears the whispers of every heart. He understands the yoke we bear, the suppressed tears in our eyes, the ridicule and shame we bear, the rejection we suffer, the humiliation we endure, the persecution and witch-hunt we are subjected to at every turn. Heaven sees our pain and God would never forsake us in distress.
God wants to “bind up the broken-hearted “, “proclaim freedom for the captives”, “declare liberty for prisoners”, and “proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour” (Isaiah 61). These are not empty words, or sugar-coated rhetorics to please your heart. They are eternal promises engraved on a stone that cannot be washed away. Confess them, believe them and they will be fulfilled at God’s own time. From human prism, God may be behind schedule, but his timing is always perfect.
As we begin a new year, let us rebuild our trust in God and renew our hope on his word. God said his people shall receive double portion instead of shame. His grace will cancel every disgrace the enemy has apportioned to us. Our sorrow will turn to joy. The rejected stone will become the cornerstone. Joseph will leave the prison to the palace. Samson’s hairs will grow again. The rejected ones will become the chosen people. We will eat the best of the land, and lines will fall for us in pleasant places. May this year, 2025, be a year of restoration, favour and celebration.
@Ikedinachi Otti